May 2004 FHM

Newsflash!
Check out the FHM with Brooke Burke on the cover! We have a little article in there about our infamous cock sucking mirror, featuring my favorite boss. It's on the same page as Jenna.

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I apologize for taking so long to update, folks! Its been really CRAZY around here and I've been completely tied up!


Please remember to tip your bartenders.
I'll be here all zee veek.

Oh geez! Do you want the truth? Too bad! You're not getting the truth! Here's some total bullshit instead:

I woke up the next morning (after my crazed Party in a Box adventure) in an alley, clad in nothing but a fez, some shackles, the outfit from the Oh! Nurse game, and my pride. Luckily, I didn't forget to bring my bling bling. A girl must always be prepared. Since I didn't have any cash on me (and the boss wasn't taking my calls), it took a while to get home. I won't let it happen again, I promise!



Ah heck! I can't lie to you. Here's the real truth:
I was really on a secret government mission. I can't give you any details without killing you after. Just know that the world is a safer place because of me. Any photos of me, fez on my head, dirty dancing with an overweight Elvis impersonator, were to protect my cover. Really.

The Snerd
erosboutique.com

Juxtapoz! Dirty In Detroit! Goat Eating! Oh Lordy!

Before you read another word of my font nonsense, you need to get your happy ass to the newstand and pick up Juxtapoz #50 before its gone. Its the one that looks like this:



Need a few reasons? Did you not see Iggy Pop on the cover? Frank Kozik is another incentive for you to stop reading this long enough to grab it. My favorite reason? The four page article covering The Dirty Show in Detroit. "What is the Dirty Show?" you ask? If you had bought the damned magazine like I told you to, you would know already, now wouldn't you?
Don't worry! I'll spoon feed you some more. It'll be OK.

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Its an art show. Its an erotic art show. Its Dirty. Its in Detroit! Are you getting the idea?

Less than a decade ago, The Dirty Show was, pretty much, run out of someone's closet. To do that now, you would need a closet that Amelda Marcos would consider "roomy." The fifth show featured over 300 pieces of art from more than 100 artists. Attendance for the show, over Valentine's weekend, went way over the thousand mark. Some local and national favorites have featured their artwork there. A few notables from past and present include: Pablo Davis, Martha the Plaster Caster, and Kembra Pfahler from The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black.

The Juxtapoz article has some great photos and gives a good "flavor" of the show. The montage of genitalia that makes up our President's portrait is reason enough to steal a peek. One of my favorite quotes, ever, is found within the article, as well. I am not sure if it was Jerry Vile or Jeremy Harvey that said it, but it was one of them. By the way, they are the guys behind the Dirtiness:

"You can't even spell artist without "tit." What do you get if you take the penis out of pretentious? You get rettou, and that's not even a word."

Here's another reason for you to catch the next show:
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You may be wondering what "Goat Eating" has to do with all of this. I could leave you hanging, but that would be mean. Anthony Mangicapra (Mangicapra means "Eater of Goat" in Italian) is not only friends with Jeremy Harvey, but he has also been a contributing artist in the last two Dirty Shows. Ironically, Anthony did not do much in the way of erotic art prior to meeting Jeremy and Jerry. Here are the Goat Eater's thoughts on the matter:

"Once I got it into me, I couldn't help but put "peepees" and "boobies" all over my pictures. These guys are not just interested in nude images, though. They don't just want sex, they want filth."

Anthony also provided a few interesting tidbits about the men behind the show. Here's some Jeremy Harvey Trivia:

If you are lucky, you can catch him, clad only in an anime t-shirt and g-string, singing "Knights in White Satin" at a random Karaoke bar in Detroit.

He loves Liberace.

He has a laugh straight out of Revenge of the Nerds.

He is known to play clubs under the name of DJ "Oh Lordy!" (Snerd Note- Now you know where I stole it, folks! A few of our giant dildos are known as "Oh Lordy!" size in honor of this man.)

A direct quote from the Goat Eater sums up the Jeremy love quite nicely:

"Nothing he does, individually, seems to make sense, yet he manages to pull everything together with a sense of grace about him. He is the fucking greatest."

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DJ "Oh Lordy!"

Regarding the team of Jerry Vile (aka "The grossest man ever") and Jeremy Harvey, Anthony had this to say:

"They are the greatest duo since Lou Ferrigno & Bill Bixby."

Its no wonder the The Dirty Show is one of the most anticipated art shows in Detroit. Luckily for us, they are taking the show on the road. Currently, there are plans to do the show in New York, Florida and Boston within the next year. I will pass on those dates as soon as I have them.

If you want to see some of Anthony Magicapra's artwork, you can check out his gallery at hotsexintheory.com.

I don't know about you people, but reading this makes me want to hit all of the karaoke bars in Detroit in hopes finding a g-string clad Jeremy so that I may buy him a drink.

Cheers!
The Snerd
erosboutique.com

Why I didn't go to the B&D Ball

The place: ManRay
The night: April 30, 2004
The hostess: Rubberella
The scene: The B&D Ball.

If you were a fly on the wall at Eros, over the last few weeks, you would have heard one of the following phrases uttered with panic, at least, 50 times:

"HEEEEELLLLLPPPP! I'm going to the B&D Ball and all I own are a pair of sneakers and a pink bowling shirt!"

"Do you sell rubber clothing? I'm going to ManRay for the B&D Ball"

"Do you think Rubberella would like this outfit?"

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS?!?!?!?!"

"Please, for the love of all I hold Holy, don't let me kill again!"

errr...that last quote was something I said over and over. Disregard that one. If any law enforcement agents are reading this, please don't look in the basement, either.

The B&D Ball is a guaranteed good time for anyone in the industry. People from all over come wearing their "fetish best." Hell, I provided the wardrobe, personally, for half of the attendees. I even had a date (a cute one at that) that was willing to arrive late so that he could pick me up after work. If you are like any of my friends, you are thinking to yourself:

"WHY DIDN'T THIS GIRL GO TO THE DAMNED B&D BALL?!?!?"
You want to know the truth?
Are you sure?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

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Ah hell...

1. I was afraid that I would walk up to someone, in a drunken haze, and scream loudly "Aren't you the person that bought the jumbo cow speculum and a Rub My Duckie vibrator last week?"

2. They don't allow hamsters in ManRay. My hamster's name is Keyser Soze. If you've seen the movie, "The Usual Suspects," you would understand why I was afraid to invoke his cute, fluffy, little wrath.

3. Party in a Box just arrived at Eros and I couldn't wait to go home and try it out!



You see, it's wedding season. We just got a bunch of new goodies to make your bachelor (and bachelorette) parties more fun! We have games like UnVeiled and many fun little kits including Spice's Bondage 101 Kit. It almost makes me want to get married. ALMOST!

Back to my night, at home, with Party in a Box! I must confess that I had a few troubling questions on my mind as opened the box of party goodness:

"Is this going to be as fun as the Ball?"

"Do you use a penis straw with white or red wine?"

"Does this party streamer clash with my wallpaper?"

I will answer those questions now.

"No."

"White wine."

"Yes"

Even though the Party in a Box was not nearly as fun as the B&D Ball was, it was still a good time. My hamster's fury was sated when I gave him a party hat so I won't be in any police lineups for the time being. We both passed out after about 25 rounds of "Pin the Manhood on the Man" and some Neil Diamond Karaoke sessions.

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Needless to say, I will be attending the B&D Ball next year.

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Tomorrow night I will finally get Dirty in Detroit! You will see what I mean, then.

Smooches!
the Snerd
erosboutique.com