Classic...

This is something I thought only happened in movies...

This guy calls up, asking if we sell extra keys for the CB3000. (*for those of you unfamiliar with the CB3000, its the cream of the crop in male chastity devices. Pyrex. Padlock. If you're a guy who wants to lock your cock up, this is the way to go.)

But I digress...

(BTW: Today is Lucy's birthday, we're drinking champagne, and Social Distortion is blasting through the speakers. "Life goes by so fast -- you only wanna do what you think is right..." Yeah. It's kind of difficult to get anything accomplished this evening... We haven't had to pee alot tonight - which is good to note. It means we're learning moderation.)

And so it goes:

So "mike" calls.

Do we sell extra keys.

So Lucy tells him we don't have any extra keys in stock, but he might want to call the CB3000 people and see what the deal is. "But," she asks, "doesn't the CB3000 come with 2 extra keys? What happened to them?"

So Mike says:

"You see, the woman who put this device on me isn't my wife, and now she's out of town for a few days, and I just don't find it funny anymore."

"Oh." Lucy says. "Well, sir, that's what you get for letting a strange woman put something on your penis."

Luckily, there was laughter...

"Well..." Lucy racked her brain for a solution to the issue. "The only thing I can think of is to call the CB3000 people and see if they have any extra keys."

(half-hour later)

Guy calls back.

No extra keys. Kinda like when you go to Walgreens around Halloween and you try to buy one of those mini Hershey bars and you can't because there's a label on them that says "Not For Individual Sale."

Attempt #2: Go to Google.com, look up CB3000, and see if they have anything listed under "Emergency Removal." We have to think on our feet, you know. I might not know 2 shits about a Whitehead Gag, but that doesn't mean I'm not ready to do whatever I can at the drop of a hat. We know what to do, we know where to go for solutions. We know that people come in here knowing what they want - they have the valets across the street park their cars, so we have to be on the ball and know that some folks come in here only having 7 minutes. And we'll show them exactly what they need in 3 and a half.

And if some guy calls up, asking how to get out of his CB3000, and he isn't willing to go the emergency room or isn't handy with a skill saw, and we've done all we can up to those points, don't get mad. Because we did our best. We know thats the final straw. We feel your pain. But learn your lesson. The next time you're tied up and are handcuffed to a bedpost and the person with the key is nowhere in sight, give us a call and have some compassion...

We're just as screwed as you are.