What has happened to porn these days?
A few weeks back, I decided to go to the movies. It was a Saturday night, I had a few hours to kill, I decided to go catch "Wonderland," the movie about John Holmes and the murders that took place on Wonderland Avenue. I love Val Kilmer, but that came second to my interest in the movie.
So there I was, sitting in the back of the theater, eating the $.99 Twizzlers I had smuggled in from the 7-11, and the scene starts to dawn on me. A few rows ahead of me - Henry the Chronic Newspaper-Reader. A few rows away from him, Chompy McChomp chewin away on his tub o'popcorn, and Oldy McOldguy a few seats away from him, waitin for the previews to start and nervously tapping his foot because he had to take his heart pills at 630. The realization that #1: I am the only female in the theater and #2: we are all at the theater ALONE to watch a movie about John Holmes -- I felt like I was in one of those old-school porn theaters.
I felt like Pee-Wee Herman.
But instead of getting caught masturbating I was probably going to get accosted.
Eventually, though, people started to fill up the theater. Couples, mostly. And by the time the film started, the theater was almost full. And thats about the point where another realization dawned on me:
"Shit. Where did all the porn theaters go?"
I mean, here is a theater FULL of people, waiting to watch a film about an infamous porn star. A few years ago, the same amount of folks would have been in the same situation, only armed with maybe some kleenex, or a wet-nap, anything... if we were lucky... and we all woulda been there to watch Real Porn. Before digital video. Before airbrushing. Before the fake double D's. Pimples on the ass porn. Great big bush porn. Show me the cellulite. Show me the sagging post-natal boobies and the giant nipples chapped from exposure and overuse. The hairy ball-sacs. The good, the bad and the ugly. It used to be there, all on the big screen. Back when porn was almost considered Art because it was Film. Not some guy in his basement with two girls, a bottle of baby oil and a kiddie swimming pool.
Porn never used to be all Barbie Doll Lesbians seeing who could fit what in their assholes. Porn used to have plot - albeit, not a good plot, but there was at least a story that could maybe aid in a fantasy here and there. Today, they have simply run out of things to do. Its gross for gross's sake.
Back in the day, if you were a pervert, you would put on a trenchcoat, sit in the back of the theater and beat your meat, knowing that you were doing the same thing everyone else in the theater was doing, but it didnt matter. It was okay, it was still private in a way.
Now, whether you like it or not, pop-up ads throw Twyla and her Twirling Twat in your face whether you want it there or not. You're no longer a pervert - you're just some average Joe, because you're seeing the same thing that your mother, your brother, your uncle Louie, your math teacher -- you're all seeing the same twat. And what does it do? Okay, it twirls, but whose doesnt these days.
We're desensitized. A lot of men might argue. And I can buy that -- its nice to watch some hot lesbians tonguing each other on spring break on some jackass's boat.
But my point is...
Porn has lost it's mystique.
Back in the day, Times Square, the Combat Zone in Boston, the Georgetown Drive-In, even, these weren't the most desireable places to go, but SO MANY PEOPLE WENT. Deep Throat. Behind the Green Door. The Devil in Miss Jones. People flocked to see these movies, in the THEATERS. And even today, people KNOW these movies. They're actually considered classics, albeit not in the Dickens sort of way (pun maybe intended...)
(apologizes for using "albeit" twice in same post.)
So, where do we go now? These places dont exist anymore. Sitting at your computer jerkin off to UnderageAsianHornyHousewifeAssFuckers.com - it misses the DECADENCE folks! The whole point of being a pervert is being sneaky. That's why flashers hide in the bushes. Where does being a public pervert get you? You're just chasin the cheese! Everybody's a public pervert! You wanna be different? Toss out your computer porn - stop hiding behind a screenname -- go back to when porn wasnt as accessible and therefore meant more and "accomplished" more... Become a Mormon or move to the Amish Country...
Or just bring porn theater back. Show some late-night screenings of the original Debbie Does Dallas. I'm surrounded by sex everyday, but when i was sitting in that theater, for a few moments, I felt like a pervert.
And I liked it.
A few weeks back, I decided to go to the movies. It was a Saturday night, I had a few hours to kill, I decided to go catch "Wonderland," the movie about John Holmes and the murders that took place on Wonderland Avenue. I love Val Kilmer, but that came second to my interest in the movie.
So there I was, sitting in the back of the theater, eating the $.99 Twizzlers I had smuggled in from the 7-11, and the scene starts to dawn on me. A few rows ahead of me - Henry the Chronic Newspaper-Reader. A few rows away from him, Chompy McChomp chewin away on his tub o'popcorn, and Oldy McOldguy a few seats away from him, waitin for the previews to start and nervously tapping his foot because he had to take his heart pills at 630. The realization that #1: I am the only female in the theater and #2: we are all at the theater ALONE to watch a movie about John Holmes -- I felt like I was in one of those old-school porn theaters.
I felt like Pee-Wee Herman.
But instead of getting caught masturbating I was probably going to get accosted.
Eventually, though, people started to fill up the theater. Couples, mostly. And by the time the film started, the theater was almost full. And thats about the point where another realization dawned on me:
"Shit. Where did all the porn theaters go?"
I mean, here is a theater FULL of people, waiting to watch a film about an infamous porn star. A few years ago, the same amount of folks would have been in the same situation, only armed with maybe some kleenex, or a wet-nap, anything... if we were lucky... and we all woulda been there to watch Real Porn. Before digital video. Before airbrushing. Before the fake double D's. Pimples on the ass porn. Great big bush porn. Show me the cellulite. Show me the sagging post-natal boobies and the giant nipples chapped from exposure and overuse. The hairy ball-sacs. The good, the bad and the ugly. It used to be there, all on the big screen. Back when porn was almost considered Art because it was Film. Not some guy in his basement with two girls, a bottle of baby oil and a kiddie swimming pool.
Porn never used to be all Barbie Doll Lesbians seeing who could fit what in their assholes. Porn used to have plot - albeit, not a good plot, but there was at least a story that could maybe aid in a fantasy here and there. Today, they have simply run out of things to do. Its gross for gross's sake.
Back in the day, if you were a pervert, you would put on a trenchcoat, sit in the back of the theater and beat your meat, knowing that you were doing the same thing everyone else in the theater was doing, but it didnt matter. It was okay, it was still private in a way.
Now, whether you like it or not, pop-up ads throw Twyla and her Twirling Twat in your face whether you want it there or not. You're no longer a pervert - you're just some average Joe, because you're seeing the same thing that your mother, your brother, your uncle Louie, your math teacher -- you're all seeing the same twat. And what does it do? Okay, it twirls, but whose doesnt these days.
We're desensitized. A lot of men might argue. And I can buy that -- its nice to watch some hot lesbians tonguing each other on spring break on some jackass's boat.
But my point is...
Porn has lost it's mystique.
Back in the day, Times Square, the Combat Zone in Boston, the Georgetown Drive-In, even, these weren't the most desireable places to go, but SO MANY PEOPLE WENT. Deep Throat. Behind the Green Door. The Devil in Miss Jones. People flocked to see these movies, in the THEATERS. And even today, people KNOW these movies. They're actually considered classics, albeit not in the Dickens sort of way (pun maybe intended...)
(apologizes for using "albeit" twice in same post.)
So, where do we go now? These places dont exist anymore. Sitting at your computer jerkin off to UnderageAsianHornyHousewifeAssFuckers.com - it misses the DECADENCE folks! The whole point of being a pervert is being sneaky. That's why flashers hide in the bushes. Where does being a public pervert get you? You're just chasin the cheese! Everybody's a public pervert! You wanna be different? Toss out your computer porn - stop hiding behind a screenname -- go back to when porn wasnt as accessible and therefore meant more and "accomplished" more... Become a Mormon or move to the Amish Country...
Or just bring porn theater back. Show some late-night screenings of the original Debbie Does Dallas. I'm surrounded by sex everyday, but when i was sitting in that theater, for a few moments, I felt like a pervert.
And I liked it.
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